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Success

I do not know how to become successful in a corporate-related world. 

I know somehow how to survive but that is not enough. I always wanted to make a difference. I always wanted to do something big, however, the older I get the less courage I have in order to do the big things. When it comes to career success, I feel like a baby surrounded by a very confusing web of systems, structures, and relationships that everyone except me knows how to manage. Do I lack intelligence, skills and/or knowledge? No, I do not. I am smart, maybe not high IQ but smart, I am talented, I learn so fast, I am very hardworking, I try new things, I am persistent, and I constantly improve myself and my skills. So, what exactly is the problem? Do I lack EQ? No. I do lack some things though. I lack some critical things. 

For most of my career journey, I have always wondered how those unskilled people could manage to be in those high positions. They seemed to lack interpersonal skills, critical understanding of their job, and most importantly management skills. I and some of the people worked under them had so many more capabilities than those managers. There was something twisted about the system. I saw a post yesterday “Why Outstanding Professionals Fail and Mediocre Ones Succeed” on Medium. That got me thinking, and today, after a fairly short Google search session, I kind of understand.

Every article I’ve read claimed that intelligent people get in their own way; by thinking too much, focusing on details, not acting fast, not promoting themselves, and doubting themselves a lot. On the other hand, the less skilled people succeed due to taking action fast, having self-confidence, “being stubborn/ignorant”, promoting themselves well, networking well, etcetera. 

Do you know what this comes to in the end? A very big, and very unfortunate word: TRAUMA. I’ve come to the conclusion that the skills needed to have a successful career mostly lie in the trauma one has. Of course, this does not mean that everyone who has trauma is unsuccessful. There are a lot of people who were able to turn their tragedy into their bliss. I guess the place you were hurt matters at this point. If your trauma is caused by neglect, constant humiliation, belittling, or diminishing your importance, then you have a problem. If you do not believe you are worthy, you are indeed smart, and you can succeed, you deserve to be successful, then we have a problem. 

When parents defend their abuse as “preparing for the real world”, I know that they do not even consider that their abuse will, in fact, disarm the kids for the real world. They are aware of their abuse but not of the outcomes. Otherwise, why would they try to defend themselves against committing abuse? This is a little bit heart-breaking, disappointing, and disheartening to be honest. Every chance of me being able to succeed in the corporate world relies on my ability to understand and play by the rules. For that, I need to be able to remove my mud-coloured glasses and see my surroundings, and myself as it is. That is what therapy is for, right? 


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