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obscurity

            Well, what should we talk about? Do you have any ideas? I don't. And I don’t know if I ever will. I sat down again to talk about nothing that will become everything in the end. That will become my everything.

            The discussions I have with my brain are endless and inconclusive all the time. They will never let me win, they will never let me lose. And they will never let me loose. The discussions do not have any origin, any destination.

            At some point I understand everything. I do. But in others I refuse the things. I refuse to understand them. I don’t hurt anymore. I hurt sometimes. I ache sometimes. It aches. It doesn’t leave a scar. I feel like I am in the middle of a void that can talk to me. We do have conversations that I don’t remember. We do have.

            The last time I told that I was in love. I said that I felt as if I the best shade of green. Well, that shade faded away. Like everything.

            For the last couple of years I’ve been learning a lot of things. Love hasn’t been one of them yet. Sometimes I really do wonder if I ever will learn. Do I really know what love is? Will I know? I mean romantic love. Am I too much? Should I become less? I am not able to do that. I am too much. I feel too much. I will always feel too much and there is nothing wrong with that. Hopefully.

            Dimming the lights will never be useful for anyone. Well it may be useful for some. Not me. Will it be?

            I am fascinated by myself. 29 years old and still trying to find me. Still discovering and learning myself. The only thing that is certain in this paper is that I do not want ever to stop discovering and learning about myself. I hope I never stop. I don’t want to figure it all out in one go. I don’t want to figure it all out ever. I want to die in obscurity, in endless opportunities that I dream about. I think it is what life is. My life is. 

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